By Jacob
      Just outside of Tok, we departed from a lovely man-made swamp that we affectionately called home. After a brief warm up ride, we began our ritual stretching. For Sean, that generally means endless situps and pushups. For me, it largely entails any stretches that involve lying on my back. And for Goat, well.. he just stands around waiting for us.      Â
      Sean was eager to turn the globe under his wheels and rolled away. I was not “stretched” out enough and wanted to enjoy the sun on my face. Goat departed and I went over to chat it up with an RVer. I asked him about Chicken, and he had never heard of it. Curiously, he peered at his map and could not find anything. We talked about destinations and routes for a bit, and he realized he was completely lost.      Â
      He insisted that he had already passed Tok Junction and I insisted that he hadn’t, because I passed the Jct. the day before on my bike and he was heading the opposite direction we were. After spinning his map around a couple of times, I wasn’t so sure where I was. In attempts to regain my sense of direction I rode away.       Â
      I was eager to catch up with my fellow riders and tell them what a ridiculous RVer I had encountered. I couldn’t believe how lost the guy was. There are so few roads in Alaska you’d think you would know whether you passed the only Jct. or sign of civilization in 150 miles?      Â
    I see the Tetlin Jct. which is to take me to Canada and the Top of the World Highway. Just off the road was half a dozen run down cabins with some open doors exposing their antique features while the top of the hill hosted a run down cafe intertwined with a series of heavy machinery and shacks.  Optimistically, I had hoped to see their bikes outside of the Cafe where they would be sipping on a cup of amazing coffee.    Â
    No sign of them. I look up to see a sign pointing left to Eagle, and straight for Canada. I looked left to see a steep hill, rising a couple of miles from the Jct. My legs recoiled at the thought of that turn and I thought to myself, good thing I’m not headed to Eagle. And rode towards Canada while thinking that I couldn’t wait until I caught up with them to tell them about the ridiculous RVer.    Â
    Hills unfolded before me, as if they were a large blanket being dusted off in the air. Huge snow-capped mountains humbly towered in the distance over the Tetlin Wildlife Refuge which offered a mighty vista of swamplands and forests. Coasting over the hills, I was greeted by sand dunes accented by rock messages which generally broadcast the love of somebody with a good amount of time on their hands. The dunes were created from volcanic ash by a volcano during a significant tectonic shift and really seemed out of place in the geography we were becoming so familiar with.     Â
    I began to pick up my pace, eager to catch them and force them to break for lunch. Time swept by as my bicycle became more and more eager to arrive at a destination to rest. After about four hours, my thoughts were bound by irritation. “How can these guys ride without eating?” “Limited calories can only get me so far.”    Â
    I began to crave the bacon and eggs I had in my dry sack. After about 4-5 hours of riding, I reached a small community which boasted one service station and a bar. The first services I’ve seen since Tok. The service station was closed and I ventured up the hill to the bar to see if I might find their bikes there. This community seemed to match the description of Chicken and so it seemed like maybe I had passed them up while they were having lunch.   Â
    I entered the bar to meet four curious, but friendly faces wondering what my story was. Unprepared for the awkward social interaction that was about to ensue, I hurried to the bathroom and filled up my Camelback. I got a glass of water from the bar-tender and sat next to a weathered old man with a giant smile. I asked him if he’d seen two other cyclists coming through.   Â
    No positive identification. So I began to wonder where I was. Hoping to elude the fact that I was lost. I asked them about Chicken. Their response, ruptured with laughter, said that it was about 50 miles back the direction I came from. They quickly put my comments together and realized I had made a 50 mile detour from my intended destination.   Â
    They were stunned that I could miss that turn. They asked me how I didn’t see the sign that pointed to Dawson City? I thought back to the cabins and the junction, and wondered myself. I could have sworn there was no sign. I hesitated to believe them, hoping they were trying to play a cruel trick on a tired cyclist. After a bit of coaxing they convinced me that I had gone the wrong way and need to head back to milepost 1302 and turn right where a big sign will say Dawson City, turn right.   Â
    It was about 9:30 about time to get some sleep. I frantically boarded my bicycle and sped away, while thinking how ironic it was that I was so eager to tell my friends about the “stupid” RVer. I wished there was an excuse to cover up my stupidity. I wanted to fabricate a story that I could defer my mistake on. Maybe I could say that an RVer pointed me in the wrong direction?   Â
    I couldn’t help but laugh about it and ride as hard as possible back to where I came from. I felt adequately famished without eating for the past 5 hours. I realized that I did not have a lighter or matches, and that I was running low on water. I began to think of how many opportunities I had to access both, and the lack of opportunity I will have now. It’s amazing how poorly your brain can function when you’re exhausted.   Â
    As my pace slowed to a grueling 4-5 mph up the hills I realized I needed some food. I quickly devoured my entire supply of snacks and food that required no cooking. I was still terribly hungry. I began to explore my options. I was left with one option for some real nutrition. Eggs.   Â
    My excitement about eggs has gone unabated since we got plastic egg containers in Fairbanks. I had joked with the others that we should eat them raw. Goat claimed it was big in the late seventies. Sean and I questioned his casual knowledge of such, with him being born in the early 80’s. I seemed to recall having seen the fearless Governator drinking raw eggs and even smiling. Either way, the raw egg dare had loomed over our heads for a while.   Â
    Obviously, raw eggs do not sound very tasty. And after having consumed one myself, I can with absolute certainty. They taste much worse than you would imagine. A combination of the texture and aftertaste left my gut retching. I had opened my shiny yellow container baring half a dozen succulent fetal chickens encased in an oval white shell.   Â
    One had cracked and had to be eaten first. With thoughts of salmonella smearing around the glossy surface I quickly cracked the egg and raced to savor the complete contents. I managed to get it all in my mouth, but like a dog chasing a cat, you don’t know what to do once you catch it. My mind made it clear that I need to swallow this capsule of nutrition. My body made it clear that this even would not go down without a fight. During this extended battle of mind and body, I was able to savor the delicate flavors of the embryo.    Â
    Forunately, or unfortunately, my mind had conquered and the egg was sliding down my throat, instantly depositing itself in my stomach. In shock, my body resisted a bit more. Having dry heaved a few times, I managed to keep it down. I chased it with water and bread hoped I would never have to do that again. I wanted to be able to say that it wasn’t that bad afterwards, but to be honest. It was that bad.    Â
    Eggs are the cheapest single food source of complete protein, contain about 60 calories each as well as a multitude of other vitamins/minerals, including vitamin D. While they have a large amount of cholesterol, there was televised advertisements freeing them from list of undesirable foods when it was discovered that your body actually does not absorb that much cholesterol.    Â
     Eggs have brought considerable joy to our culinary experiences which had previously consisted of mostly dried foods. I wiped away the experience with the perceived health benefits of eggs and continued on my journey to correct my stupid mistake.   Â
    I knew that there were three potential paths in my future. 1. They would have gone back to the junction and waited for me there. (Highly unlikely). 2. They would have stopped for lunch about 3-4 hours up towards Chicken. (likely). and 3. They would have continued all the way to Chicken and waited for me there. My hopes rested with an ascending priority as the sun went down and my legs fatigued.   Â
     By the time I could see a star or two I had made it back to the junction, considerably faster because the way backed lacked the headwind I experienced earlier. With no sign of them at the junction I noticed my clock said 11:30 and my body said it was time to sleep. I had about a liter of water left and began ascending the hill I had obnoxiously avoided earlier. Half way up I saw a sign that said Chicken 67 miles away.   Â
    If the news at the bar was bad, this was worse. They had lead me to believe Chicken was another 10 past the junction. I was desparately hoping for option number 2 as the hill I ascended appear to have no end. The precious water I pretended to conserve had evaporated into my body by the end of the hill and in the twilight I could see an expanse of hills, one after another. AFTER ANOTHER.   Â
    I hate riding my bike at night for a variety of reasons. 1. Drunks, 2. Guns, 3. Wild animals, 4. Same as reason number 1.   Fortunately, the roads were abandoned at these late hours, and I didn’t have to worry about problems 1 & 2 and could focus on the reason number 3 with more concentration. I imagined what a delectable morsel I would look like to a roadside bear as I meandered up these hills at a steady 3-4 tired miles per hour.   Â
     The fact that there were no services for the next 67 miles did disturb me in my dehydrated exhaustion. After reaching the top of one particularly long drawn out hill spreading 3 miles out I began to feel a bit of despair. Ascending the hill I felt caloric deficient and was losing will power and morale. I knew that the only solution was to slide another egg or two down my throat.   Â
    With about as much success as my first attempt I managed to boost my willpower by two eggs worth. The clock was approaching 2 AM and I began to realize that it may not be physically possible for my body to carry me all the way to Chicken that night which would top my mileage off at around 140 or so, much further than I have ever though of again, especially with a loaded bike, tons of hills, and sleep/calorie deprivation.   Â
    After about three hours of riding past that junction I knew that if didn’t see them within the next thirty minutes, I would have to somehow get all the way to Chicken. The details of that would have to be worked out at a later date, because I was convinced that I would be passing out on the roadside with my shoes on very shortly.   Â
    I slowly rolled along scanning the roadside for any reflective hope of my bicycle companions. And at the top of one neverending hill I could see them. There was practically an etheral glow basquing them on the roadside. At this point, I was delirious with exhaustion, and hallucinations were not beyond my realm of reality. I rode closer and practically had to poke at them with a stick to believe that I had finally found them.    Â
    I belligerently woke them up, bombarding them with questions. Why are you guys asleep?? We gotta make to Chicken. etc. They just laughed and told me there was some food left on the pot. I devoured it and a huge quantity of water. Too tired to stretch my limbs, I branched out over the dirt and fell asleep.   Â
OH Jacob what a story! It seems the worse things are, the funnier you can make them… You know what goat wrote to me?
(we were alittle delayed when jacob bade a wrong
turn)
(but your version was much better)
Athletes did drink raw eggs in the 50s, 60s, (and probably) 70s, but they had them in drinks, you know… with orange juice and milk and protein powder and half and half and Knox gelatin.
Look I found a recipe for you:
Vince’s special protein drink made of 12 oz half and half, 12 raw eggs, 1/3 cup milk-and-egg protein powder, 1 banana. (Make one to three mixtures of this formula and drink throughout the day, between meals, and before retiring)
good luck!
love, Jenny
OH Jacob what a story! It seems the worse things are, the funnier you can make them… You know what goat wrote to me?
(we were alittle delayed when jacob bade a wrong
turn)
(but your version was much better)
Athletes did drink raw eggs in the 50s, 60s, (and probably) 70s, but they had them in drinks, you know… with orange juice and milk and protein powder and half and half and Knox gelatin.
Look I found a recipe for you:
Vince’s special protein drink made of 12 oz half and half, 12 raw eggs, 1/3 cup milk-and-egg protein powder, 1 banana. (Make one to three mixtures of this formula and drink throughout the day, between meals, and before retiring)
good luck!
love, Jenny
OH Jacob what a story! It seems the worse things are, the funnier you can make them… You know what goat wrote to me?
(we were alittle delayed when jacob bade a wrong
turn)
(but your version was much better)
Athletes did drink raw eggs in the 50s, 60s, (and probably) 70s, but they had them in drinks, you know… with orange juice and milk and protein powder and half and half and Knox gelatin.
Look I found a recipe for you:
Vince’s special protein drink made of 12 oz half and half, 12 raw eggs, 1/3 cup milk-and-egg protein powder, 1 banana. (Make one to three mixtures of this formula and drink throughout the day, between meals, and before retiring)
good luck!
love, Jenny
jacob you are ever so poetic with disasters…oops, i mean adventures.
All three of you boys are awesome and crazy.
I brag about you guys endlessly, directing all unbelieving stares to the website.
Keep up the inspirational biking (modivating me to haul my butt up the UCSC bike path more often)
Be safe, and best of luck in the next leg. Maybe the next RVer will have a GPS to aide the confusion.
can’t wait to read more,
tessa
jacob you are ever so poetic with disasters…oops, i mean adventures.
All three of you boys are awesome and crazy.
I brag about you guys endlessly, directing all unbelieving stares to the website.
Keep up the inspirational biking (modivating me to haul my butt up the UCSC bike path more often)
Be safe, and best of luck in the next leg. Maybe the next RVer will have a GPS to aide the confusion.
can’t wait to read more,
tessa
jacob you are ever so poetic with disasters…oops, i mean adventures.
All three of you boys are awesome and crazy.
I brag about you guys endlessly, directing all unbelieving stares to the website.
Keep up the inspirational biking (modivating me to haul my butt up the UCSC bike path more often)
Be safe, and best of luck in the next leg. Maybe the next RVer will have a GPS to aide the confusion.
can’t wait to read more,
tessa
Ahh, the Hamm communication.
Listen, though. Seriously, if you died due to one of these Hammy scatterings, you would shake my near-religious faith that Hamson will always find Hamson and things will again be Gerbil.
You wouldn’t want to destroy the closest thing I have to religion, would you?
-C
hammihammihammihammi….
Ahh, the Hamm communication.
Listen, though. Seriously, if you died due to one of these Hammy scatterings, you would shake my near-religious faith that Hamson will always find Hamson and things will again be Gerbil.
You wouldn’t want to destroy the closest thing I have to religion, would you?
-C
hammihammihammihammi….
Ahh, the Hamm communication.
Listen, though. Seriously, if you died due to one of these Hammy scatterings, you would shake my near-religious faith that Hamson will always find Hamson and things will again be Gerbil.
You wouldn’t want to destroy the closest thing I have to religion, would you?
-C
hammihammihammihammi….
WHOA DUDE
WHOA DUDE
WHOA DUDE
Jacob-
STAY TOGETHER! Didn’t you learn your lesson with the wolf? I mean, I love reading your entertaining descriptions of these adventures….but this baby wants to meet its uncle Jacob and I think you’re safer with your companions there to watch out for you…. or at least guide you in the right direction. Can’t wait to read the details of your next leg of this journey:)
Jacob-
STAY TOGETHER! Didn’t you learn your lesson with the wolf? I mean, I love reading your entertaining descriptions of these adventures….but this baby wants to meet its uncle Jacob and I think you’re safer with your companions there to watch out for you…. or at least guide you in the right direction. Can’t wait to read the details of your next leg of this journey:)
Jacob-
STAY TOGETHER! Didn’t you learn your lesson with the wolf? I mean, I love reading your entertaining descriptions of these adventures….but this baby wants to meet its uncle Jacob and I think you’re safer with your companions there to watch out for you…. or at least guide you in the right direction. Can’t wait to read the details of your next leg of this journey:)
Jacob – you are an awesome writer, it’s like reading Call of the Wild for the first time! Your adventures are getting me through the back to school blues…
Jacob – you are an awesome writer, it’s like reading Call of the Wild for the first time! Your adventures are getting me through the back to school blues…
Jacob – you are an awesome writer, it’s like reading Call of the Wild for the first time! Your adventures are getting me through the back to school blues…
Jacob,
you didn’t have any special muffins, or safety checks before riding away from Tok, did you? Your tale will definitely go down in the annals of all time greatest “lost” stories, but I’m still betting that you are the first to get “voted off” the ride. Not so much because of getting lost, and tempting wild life, but taking the last Double Bastard within a hundred miles, would really piss me off. Especially since you already drank a couple of Orange Julius with egg, sans the orange and the julius. I AM seriously enjoying the journals, keep it going. Looking forward to more tales and humor, not necessarily surrounding near death experiences. So, take care.
love,
dm
Jacob,
you didn’t have any special muffins, or safety checks before riding away from Tok, did you? Your tale will definitely go down in the annals of all time greatest “lost” stories, but I’m still betting that you are the first to get “voted off” the ride. Not so much because of getting lost, and tempting wild life, but taking the last Double Bastard within a hundred miles, would really piss me off. Especially since you already drank a couple of Orange Julius with egg, sans the orange and the julius. I AM seriously enjoying the journals, keep it going. Looking forward to more tales and humor, not necessarily surrounding near death experiences. So, take care.
love,
dm
Jacob,
you didn’t have any special muffins, or safety checks before riding away from Tok, did you? Your tale will definitely go down in the annals of all time greatest “lost” stories, but I’m still betting that you are the first to get “voted off” the ride. Not so much because of getting lost, and tempting wild life, but taking the last Double Bastard within a hundred miles, would really piss me off. Especially since you already drank a couple of Orange Julius with egg, sans the orange and the julius. I AM seriously enjoying the journals, keep it going. Looking forward to more tales and humor, not necessarily surrounding near death experiences. So, take care.
love,
dm
Jacob,
always have been the crazy one. take care, you are in my prayers.
Larry Lara aka IssueKid
-kid
Jacob,
always have been the crazy one. take care, you are in my prayers.
Larry Lara aka IssueKid
-kid
Jacob,
always have been the crazy one. take care, you are in my prayers.
Larry Lara aka IssueKid
-kid